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Retro Movie Review (The Breakfast Club)
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A long time ago, when these movies I review were just considered “movies” and not “retro artifacts,” every “rad” movie had that one character that everyone wanted to be. EVERYONE. In The Lost Boys, it was Corey Feldman as one of the Frog Brothers. In Weird Science, it was Gary or Wyatt. Moviegoers walked out of the theater and right into whatever store sold the accessories that the idolized character wore. In most cases, it was a Gap or local military surplus store. In the case of John Bender, The Breakfast Club’s badboy, it was a dumpster.

See, John Hughes, ’80s filmmaker extraordinaire, really flipped the script on a lot of young people’s minds back in the day. He created a character who was, by all accounts, an asshole, but deep inside, everyone wanted to emulate. He smoked pot, got sent to detention constantly, and even grew up in an abusive household. Regardless, at the end, he still got the girl, and everything was alright. Overcoming adversity; this was the anthem of the “me” decade. Everything sucks—right—but none of that matters if you come out like a champion in the end. It’s easy to see why a lot of people in the ’80s did nightmarish amounts of cocaine and then formed bands.

TBC centers around five students who are stuck in the school library for a Saturday detention, all with a unique reason. The film actually opens with them explaining, one after the other, which ’80s archetype they identify with. Right away, you can expect hilarity to ensue. And it does: Bender, the “criminal,” immediately sets about hitting on Claire, the “princess,” who is then defended by Andrew, the “jock.” Meanwhile, Brian, the “nerd,” and Allison, the “basketcase,” look onward as most of the early plot centers around Bender making fun of both Andrew and Claire while trying to get in Claire’s britches.

Granted, the film does have several funny points early on; namely, when Bender pulls the locking pin out of the door that is to be remained open. The Napoleon-esque principal comes in and one of several arguments occur between the overzealous principal and the nonchalant Bender. Bender insists that the principal wears the same clothes as Barry Manilow, and Principal Vernon takes enough offense to this to award Bender another Saturday detention.

Eventually, the kids get more accustomed to one another and sneak out of the room to Bender’s locker to procure a large bag of marijuana. Bender takes a bullet for the whole crew so they don’t get busted by Vernon. When Bender takes the rap, we’re exposed to a shitty atrophied corner of the movie’s plot, where Vernon exercises his wish to fight Bender in his office. Bender is taken aback and does nothing. Instead, he decides to break out of Vernon’s stronghold after he is locked inside.

Upon returning to the library, Bender gets his weed out and everyone smokes up, effectively uniting the group. Everyone becomes friends, except for Bender and Claire, who yell at each other some more, presumably because their worlds are so different. All of the children explain why they’re in detention and how it relates to their home lives. John Hughes throws the waterworks on for the rest of the film.

Andrew physically assaulted a nerd in the locker room and taped his asscheeks together with super-adhesive athletic tape. He claims he did it because he was trying to prove to his father that he is a tough dude.

Brian is in detention because he failed a shop class, and was planning to commit suicide with a flare gun, when it was discovered by school authorities. He was going to off himself because his parents pressure him to get straight As.

Claire skipped class to go shopping and got caught. She relates this to her parents using her as a bargaining chip in their crumbling marriage.

Bender is in detention for pulling a false fire alarm. His life at home sucks and he gets burned by his dad’s cigars, and his father also beats his mother, so he has to act out anywhere he can.

Allison just showed up to detention because she was bored. She concludes that her parents ignore her and she has no friends.

At the end of the movie, Bender and Claire hook up, as do Andrew and Allison. Brian, the nerd, is left girl-less, just like in every other movie made in the ’80s.

How many movies make you experience the full gamut of emotions; especially ones marketed to teenagers? Not many, that’s for damned sure. This flick is pretty cool, and at the end, if you’re cool, you’ll be left scrambling for a flannel and thermal underwear. Oh, wait.
 

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