Twelve years ago, Rob Halford, arguably one of the most metal gentlemen of all time, told everyone that he was gay. While there's nothing wrong with that, it didn't exactly jibe with metal’s homophobic subculture.

Image: Christopher Gillaspie

Some might argue that Halford's unexpected coming out, despite his previous album titles (British Steel, Point of Entry and Ram it Down), made metal a little less enjoyable. However, that was nothing compared to the damage done by Slayer's Tom Araya when he forced his band to pull out of their tour with Megadeth because he needed back surgery.

What in the fuck is going on with metal these days? In 1992, Metallica's James Hetfield was prancing around on stage when he was blasted by a pyrotechnic and sent to the hospital. His arm burnt and mangled, he wouldn’t be able to play the guitar for a while. Instead of sissy-ing it up, and cancelling the tour, Metallica hired someone to play Hetfield's guitar parts, while Hetfield himself sang about skeletons and justice. While fans who were hoping to see a Hetfield ablaze redux were disappointed, most recognized it as a valiant effort on Metallica's part to soldier on, despite unfortunate circumstances.

Tom Araya, wuss that he is, is obviously not up on his metal history, or just hates all Slayer's fans. Dave Mustaine, who has always hated Metallica, was unlikely to suggest the “Hetfield solution,” as Mustaine would rather be buried alive than admit that James Hetfield was right about anything.

I rue the day when I get my metal news from goddamned Myspace, but here goes. Kerry King blogged (blechhh) the following quote explaining the situation.

"Araya is currently under the care of a specialist for a back injury, thought to be related to his onstage activity, and the physician has ordered an immediate surgical procedure to take place in Texas Tuesday morning. What is foremost in our minds right now is that Tom do whatever he needs to get this taken care of."

Now, don't get me wrong, playing a ton of shows for a fanbase as rabid as Slayer's is probably demanding. However, I don’t know what “onstage activity” could have cattywampused Araya's back. For one, Araya is the band's bassist. Secondly, he's their vocalist. Unless he has one of those corny headset mics for pop singers and singing drummers, his oh-so-strenuous “onstage activity,” would be standing still. When your band's singer throws his back out from standing in one spot and yelling for two hours, it might be time to hang up your gauntlets and call it a day.

Metal has been sucking for so long that metal bands have formed lampooning metal's days of yore. If Slayer doesn't start hauling Tom Araya onstage with a dolly, we're going to see old guys in Hawaiian shirts playing tropicália versions of “Raining Blood” in local coffee shops, and we’ll have one MORE thing to laugh at metalheads for.