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| The Rearguard Speaks! |
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Greetings! Tis the month for love, romance and the questionable usage of the word “tis.” It’s that beautiful time of year when people take a break from the things that usually divide them — race, class, religion and political preferences — and add brand new, fun divisions, such as people who like Saints or Colts and people who think Valentine’s Day is a beautiful celebration of love and romance and the people who realize that love doesn’t exist and that Valentine’s Day only exists to suck the money out of people stupid enough to think that Valentine’s Day is a beautiful celebration of love and romance. Or, as these divisions are also sometimes labeled, people that have somebody that loves them and people that don’t. Being of the latter, the Rearguard has a nice center spread devoted to love’s cynical side. As we creep closer and closer to the end of the world, things get crazier and crazier. Although, it is probably just coincidence — the civilization that predicted the 2012 end of the world couldn’t even make a fucking iPod. But anyhow, Portland State is doing its part to keep up end-of-the-world fever. It seems that both the student government and the administration are going completely insane. Now that may not only be an extreme exaggeration, but also a gross generalization. Nevertheless, things have gotten a little wacky. Students are protesting the proposed “corporate takeover.” Depending on who you listen to, this is either the end of education as we know it, or the last possible way to keep civilization intact. All we know here is that we really hope the Rearguard can score a sponsorship. Remember this, well-financed corporate entities: we at the Rearguard are willing to sacrifice our journalistic integrity — but not for less than the price of a well appointed cabin cruiser. Student Fee Committee super-newsmaker Ron Lee has taken time out from screwing over the Pre-Law society (see the January Spectator article) to start impeaching everybody. To be fair, ASPSU Senator P.V. Jantz impeached him first. He also intends to impeach two Judicial board members and ASPSU president Jon Stanford. Now if you’re a thinking person, you’re saying to yourself: Wow, this guy has a lot of spare time, and seems to be incredibly petty…Wouldn’t it be awesome if he ran for ASPSU President for next year? Well you’re in luck, he is. Feel free to enjoy some Ron Lee goodness at his as-of-yet non-functional website: www.voteronlee.com. So far, these impeachments are all emailed threats; the Rearguard will waste more of your time with this once the paperwork gets filed. Who knows, maybe he is saving us all from mass destruction. We’ll look into it. Anyone who has an opinion on the subject should let us know. Another big issue for student government, besides the loose trigger finger on the impeachment gun, is low voter turnout. It’s getting more and more difficult for people to take student government seriously when they are elected by so few. The Rearguard will be accepting ideas on how to increase voter turnout during this year’s election season. Perhaps the drama this year might drum up a little interest in the old democratic process. It’s more fun watching people eff up when you voted for or against them. Pretend it’s like a fantasy football league or something — to play all you have to do is vote. Every once in a while some actual news comes through the halls of Portland State, the kind of news that makes Rearguard reporters put down their cocktails and various video game controllers and say “Huh?” On January 14th, economics teacher John Hall accused ASPSU Chief of Staff Zach Bucharest of being a government agent. So far, most reports suggest that Professor Hall went crazy, but several students have stepped forward and shared with the Rearguard another aspect of the story: Bucharest’s bizarre behavior. And unlike many of the other sources, these students were willing to go on record. The full story will be available on our website, and it may shed some light on Hall’s actions. Stay tuned; the Rearguard will keep you updated on the situation as it develops. In closing, thanks again for exercising your right to pick up and read free publications. And with luck, persistence, and a couple of hundred dollars you should all have a happy Valentine’s Day.  |
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