Every year, the city of Portland plays host to the funnest 17-day stretch of time in the summer: Pedalpalooza. If you’re a cyclist. I am, so there. Pedalpalooza is an entirely user-created event, where each day features a series of “rides,” each organized by a person or group of people. Virtually all the days have something interesting going on, so here they are.

6/11: BBC Alert Ride
Apparently, this is an exposed asscrack awareness ride, something I happen to wholeheartedly participate in. The organizer warns that this is not a naked ride, assumedly because nobody wants to see the type of person who flashes crack on a bike naked anyway.

6/13: World Naked Bike Ride
It’s a staple, yeah, but it’s one hell of a spectacle for sure. It ends with a dance party. You don’t have to be naked, but somewhere, someone will be bummed if they don’t get to see your boobs or dick.

6/15: Umpteenth Annual Taco Ride
As is to be expected, the event consists of riding in between a ton of taquerias, devouring mass quantities of food and spending equal time on the john.

6/17: Celebrate Watergate
Ever wanted to celebrate one of the most notorious screwups in American history? Come on down to this ride and ride around with Portland’s elected officials... well, okay, some of them.

6/19: Bowie vs. Prince Mobile Dance Party
Last year, the event boasted upwards of 300 attendees, all coming out to play host to a bike dancin’ party. Dress up as your favorite ’80s singer and do it up proper. Get this: they have a huge PA mounted on a bike. Should be awesome.

6/21: Rigoletto by Bike
Pedalpalooza tackles an actual opera on bike. You’re encouraged to dress up as an operatic character and ride around wooing people.

6/22: Epic Pizza Ride
This ride lasts for several hours, in which participants ride around eating pizza from a buttload of shops. The organizer insists on “no mooches,” so don’t show up unless you have money.

6/25: World Championships—Unicycle Polo
Unicycles are pretty cool on their own, but when you have a bunch of people barely in control riding around swinging croquet mallets, shit gets awesome in a hurry. Bring booze.

6/26: Bro Bar Pub Crawl (21+)
Ever been utterly disgusted at the goofy bro populace that hover around inner NW bars like a pool of motor oil floating to the top of a mud puddle? Cool; pop that polo collar, show up to this ride and be all the bro you can be.

6/27: Bikes ‘N’ BBQ Bash
Russell Street BBQ is hosting this event, which includes hanging out and listening to live music. Also, it’s a “pay what you will” event, so for a buck or two, you can get some BBQ that would have otherwise cost you upwards of fifteen dollars.

Really, nobody expects you to go every single day. That would be ludicrous. However, I would highly suggest you check out at least some of the shenanigans going on. This “guide” is just a sampling of what’s on the docket; there are tons more on the website, at http://shift2bikes.org/cal/viewpp2009.php.