In opposition to the standard practice of females dressing slutty on Halloween, thousands of women wear dowdy, non-revealing costumes. In response, men still try to sleep with them.

Comedy writers rejoice when Obama wins peace prize. In un-related news, Chicago loses Olympic bid and confused conservatives start to feel like they won something.

The tech world saw the kick-off of a new windows operating system. Productivity suffers nation-wide when no one can figure out how to install it. Meanwhile, China has no problem with pirated versions.

The Sam Adams recall date comes and goes without incidident, proving that conservative a-holes are just as lazy as social liberals. However, they aren’t giving up, proving that they also can’t recognize a pointless waste of money. Like liberals.

People paid money to see another Saw movie. In response, Hollywood greenlights the following: Armegeddon 2: “Oh shit, there’s another meteor” and: Amistad: “I’m on a boat!” (featuring T-Pain.)

The Gosselin family probably did some stuff, but none of it involved dying. Don’t worry though, we’ll keep you posted on any diseases or fatal accidents.