You too can make your own Hitler!

From the raucous town hall meetings to the back and forth shin-kicking in Congress, the debate over Health Care is hurtling toward calamity. Between the slavering jowls of the Republicans and pissed trousers of the Democrats, Obama’s grip on the cord of our nation’s fate has loosened, and the uninformed masses are running away with the slack like marlin hooked by narcoleptic fishermen.

Sorry ladies. Fisherpeople.

And there, in the thick of that contentious fog, are the voices of the sick, the weak, the angry, the disenfranchised, the mottled, the pockmarked, the stuffed-crust – all crying out from the wayside, all falling even farther. This debate affects everyone in some way, but some of us more than most.

There are those who suffer a most vicious blow, one that offends their most basic dignities. I speak, obviously, of the Nazis.

And so have the morons adapted. In an obvious case of the kettle calling the pot racist, those same people who defended Bush from the most inane of comparisons are now reacting in kind. Only this time, Hitler’s a black dude. To bible-belt rednecks, there is no more terrifying a prospect.

And you can probably still remember the first time some burn-out Democrat, between bouts of wasting his or her parent’s money, informed you that Prescott Bush built his family’s fortune financing the German war machine until his company’s assets were seized under the Trading with the Enemy Act in 1942. What any of that has to do with a mastermind like Dick Cheney, I cannot figure out, but suffice to say, if you’re a powerful person, and stupid people don’t like you, you can expect the Hitler card to get played from time to time.

Now, I know, we’re all still a little cheesed at those darn Nazis, but you have to look at it from their side. Walk a mile in their fashionable, black-leathered riding boots, and you might realize that the comparison is beyond unfair. Obama is nothing like Hitler. For starters, in his first six years in power, Hitler took the number of unemployed Germans from, and I quote the guy who posted this on answers.yahoo.com, “from about 4 millions (1933) to about 100.000 (1939)!” All you need is one population-gutting war and one horrific genocide, and you too can have more jobs than citizens!

Now, granted, Obama has approximately 13 million unemployed people on his hands, and hasn’t quite been in office for six years, but I don’t think anyone’s gonna argue that he has the cojones to fix the problem Hitler-style. Some call him ambitious, but as far as mass murder is concerned, Obama is playing it rather low key.

I would also mention that Hitler’s rise to power came with the Furher on a surfboard, a’crest the wave of German pride that he had wrested from Neptune’s leftist hands. And, to date, Obama has not turned one American into a proud German. Point, Hitler.

Further more, Hitler invented the Volkswagen and the Autobahn, the PB&J of German engineering. Meanwhile, Obama bowled a 32 during his campaign. Need I say more?

No, I don’t. I think I’ve made my point. Obama is no Hitler, and neither was Bush, because, for all the image-centric, constant political correctness that dominates modern politics, neither Bush nor Obama actually managed to accomplish anything. So let’s everyone back off and give Hitler back to the Nazis. Those bastards have been tormented by this stuff for too long. They may be rough around the edges, but for us to just say “Screw ’em, they’re Nazis. They deserve it”? That would mean the terrorists have won.