We found ourselves on a pilgrimage to an undisclosed Mecca of “Geekdom” – Gekka, if you will.

Here is the only place to “sell” it like it is; the place where one can find every color of zip-tie to go with your new motherboard. You can buy the latest projectors and pocket protectors. They have it all for the geek – even a section devoted to Leathermans and pocket knives.

As we shoved our way past an inordinate amount of awkward customers flooding into the entrance, we saw that we had discovered the last bastion of the tucked-in polo shirt. This rare breed still stuffs their tops into khakis roped up with clashing, utility harness-adorned black belts.

After gawking at this impromptu exhibit of 90s internet boom technicians, we came across a thing of wonder: The “As Seen on TV” section. Here you’ll find the most memorable late night TV commercial moments (Those do not involve steel drum soundtracks and girls in exotic locations, anyway). The gaps on the shelving suggested some moronic people go so far in their mock adulation as to buy some of these contraptions. Slap-Chops, Iron Gym Extremes, Swivel Sweepers, Windshield Wonders, the list goes on.

But it was not these gadgets that captured our rapt attention. Instead, we traveled deep into the bowels of the great beast, past the cameras and the white noise-makers to a place where the sophisticated moron such as ourselves could find what plants crave. It was far into the lower gastro-intestinal tract, just above the colon where the appliances and vacuum cleaners were housed, that we found that perfect thing to make our college domicile the dog’s bollocks.

And now, we bring these wonderful toys to your attention.

The next item is great for wine and liquor drinkers alike. It’s the Perfect Shot six bottle shot dispenser. This baby is amazing to look at even when it isn’t loaded with bottles. Just imagine what can happen when you have a magical device ensuring that you’re never too drunk to pour yourself another perfect 1½ ounce shot. And for you business majors, I’m sure it can double as a tie rack.